Building More: Flight or Fight vs. Pause and Reflect

Corey Adams

The human mind fascinates me. I have loved people-watching for years. I always try to think about their motivation for what they are doing, or at least if there is a way to rationalize it. One thing this has taught me is that flight or fight is real, and it is everyone's first phase of reaction to any situation. 

The other day we had a saw company out to cut in some new doorways on a commercial remodel we were involved in. Pretty straightforward stuff, but a mistake was made. The saw company got offline and cut out into the brick façade past our area of work. My initial reaction was one of great frustration. I was ready to fight, but I didn't.

I have learned to control my initial responses to these situations. I have watched countless mistakes be met with outrage, anger, and butt-chewings that do nothing but focus on the problem. With enough self-awareness, learning, and practice, I have been able to pause these types of reactions long enough for my rationality to kick in and focus on what really is important - the solution.

This is an important part of the comparisons between bosses and leaders. Bosses want to focus on the problems; leaders want to focus on the solutions. Once the cut was made, it was there. I couldn't change it, prevent it, or take it back. It was there to stay. How I reacted and moved the conversation forward was key. 

The first thing you have to do when a problem arises is pause. Our initial reaction is often emotionally charged. Addressing anything when fueled by emotion is not advised. Walk away and get somewhere where you can clear your head. This pause is critical to overcoming your flight or fight and shifting your focus to where it needs to be.

Now that you have your initial reaction emotions in check and you are focused on the solution start brainstorming how to fix it. Most of us know how to fix mistakes. We all make them. No one is perfect, and this situation was no different. It was an honest mistake by the saw company and one I have made myself when sawing in the past. I knew what the fix was, and it wasn't detrimental. 

I know this sounds basic, and it really is. The reality is that sometimes the easiest solutions are often muddled by the outward emotions within a situation. 

When I give leadership talks, one of the first things I point out is awareness, especially emotional awareness. Leaders are in tune with what they are feeling and can pick up what emotions are present in others. 

My 17-year-old son hit a guardrail the other day. Thankfully he didn't hit anyone else and was driving alone. I know quite a few dads that would have brow beat him into oblivion over the damage to the vehicle. I did not. He was safe, and no one was hurt. When he pulled into the driveway with the front bumper hanging off, I had a choice. Explode, or understand. First, I gave him a hug and said, "I love you, and I am glad you are ok." I could tell he was scared. I knew the signs because I was a 17-year-old boy once bouncing vehicles off anything in my way. That type of emotional awareness led us to talk about the next steps and not relive the mistake. It was over. 

These are just a couple of small examples of how emotionally aware leaders can operate. The good news is it works for larger problems as well. I have used the pause and reflect method for inspectors, clients, competitors, and a host of other issues that we all face when trying to run a business in the construction industry. 

Mastering flight or fight responses sound easy, but I assure you it takes time. I still find myself reacting in an emotional way from time to time. It takes discipline to force yourself out of the human nature reaction and allow your rational brain to dictate your next moves. 

Leaders take problems and focus on the solutions. Once it is fixed, they turn their attention to future prevention. Mistakes are things we learn from. A real failure is when we learn nothing from our mistakes.